Friday, July 27, 2012

The One Where I Make Fun of Canadians, Canadians Make Fun of Me, and an American Makes Fun of Me for Being a Canadian

As a pseudo-linguist, I have a deep appreciation for the differences in accents and vocabulary between people from different regions. No, I’m not here to write about how people in Utah “used to could” do things.  And you won’t be getting a diatribe about how “fustrated” I get when people “could care less” about something, “irregardless” of whether we asked for their opinions. I’m not referring to things that would be considered by many bitter prescriptive grammarians (myself often included) to be just plain misuse of the good ol’ English language. I might could write about that stuff some other time.

No—today, I’m here to write about differences in pronunciation and vocabulary, all of which are normal and natural. A language evolves with the culture and people of the region in which the language is spoken. If you think about it, it’d be pretty much impossible to find a time in history during which a single language was spoken the same way by everybody, without some sort of regional accent or vocabulary.

Languages often will adapt in ways that simplify production—things that are easier to say will likely win out over time. It’s not that we human beings are lazy; it’s that we’re efficient. If we can find a quicker, easier way to do something and yield the same results, we will.

Contractions are a good example of this phenomenon. It’s much easier to say “it’s” than it is to say “it is.” I’d much rather say “I’d” than have to take the time to sound out both syllables in the phrase “I would.” How cumbersome would everyday speech be if we had to speak to everyone as though we were writing a doctoral thesis? This tendency to simplify language is a great thing. As long as the social situation allows it, it’s much more efficient to produce the two-syllable phrase “Wanna go?” than it is to produce the proper, five-syllable “Do you want to go?” We conserve our own energy when we lower the level of formality with which we speak.

I don’t think it matters that people in one region might say “mount’n” instead of enunciating the whole word “mountain”. We can’t reasonably expect people to pronounce a hard “t” in “Saturday” or “water” when the tap of the tongue makes a smoother, easier-to-produce sound that is recognized by other speakers as a variant of the “t”. And don’t tell me that there’s only one “t” sound. Any and every language will have slight changes in pronunciation of any given letter depending on the sounds that surround it. Think about it—do you enunciate the “n” in the word “pink”? Do you say “peen…k,” with your tongue touching up behind your teeth like it likely does in the word “bean”? Or does that “n” blend in with the “k”, giving you a sound more like the “ng” in “sing”?

Stefanie doesn’t like it when I point this out, but I am often fascinated by differences in pronunciation in her family. I’ve noticed that she and her dad both occasionally pronounce voiced, word-final consonants as their devoiced equivalents. For example, I have heard them both say the name “Jacob” with a sound resembling “p” at the end, or “JAY-cup,” instead of the way I usually say it, which sounds like “JAY-cub.” Likewise, I’ve heard the word “sacred” pronounced “SAY-crit,” instead of the “SAY-crid” that I usually say.

So—who’s right? I don’t think either of us is. Sure, the way I say it may be more common, but is there anything inherently wrong with devoicing a consonant at the end of a word? I’d say that it’s actually easier to say “JAY-cup” than it is to voice the “b” at the end. It could very well be that the devoicing of the “b” originally happened simply because someone’s grandparent pronounced something in a way that saved them a little bit of energy. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

What’s even more interesting to me is not that they say it this way; it’s that they don’t say it that way all the time. I’ve heard Stef say it both ways. It’s fascinating. In no way do I think that they are wrong for pronouncing those things the way they do. I’m more interested in knowing why they pronounce it differently—in how far back the difference in pronunciation goes. How was it learned? Was it Mom or Dad (or both)? What circumstances led to them changing the way they said it? I’m genuinely fascinated; they’re not “weird” or “wrong”.

You know who is weird and wrong? Canadians. Just kidding. Sort of.

I spent the last few days up in Saint John, New Brunswick, and I’m tickled by the many differences in the ways people in Canada (at least in this part) say things.  
Sure, you get the stereotypical “eh” thrown on the end of a sentence—that’s nothing new. And I’m sure we all know how “about” sounds like “aboat” over there, and how they apologize by saying “sore-y.” But I had no idea how different the “a” sound in my regional accent is from the one up there in Saint John. In California and many other parts of America, the sound represented by the “a” in “father”, the first “a” in “pasta”, and the “o” in “dollar” is different from the “a” in “apple”. In Canada, the first “a” in “pasta” is pronounced like the “a” in “apple”. PAAAsta.

I first realized this when members from the Nissan dealership who came for training talked about how they worked not for “NEE-sahn”, but “NISS-ann”. Niss, like kiss. Ann, like of Green Gables. With or without an “e”.

NISS-ann. Ha!  I was about to have a field day with their accent. Time to ask a bunch of questions and see how they say things. Here’s what I learned:

“MAAAZ-duh” is another Japanese car manufacturer.

“TACK-os” are a type of Mexican food made of tortillas and some kind of filling.

Yes, they eat TACK-os. And drink JAAAvuh. Awesome.

“So,” I wondered aloud. “How do you tell the different between an iPod and an iPad?”

“Oh, shut it!” One guy yapped. “We can say both of those. iPod. iPad. And how come you Americans say ‘scallops’ when it’s actually pronounced ‘scollops’?”

Foiled! My theory that they didn’t distinguish between the sounds was instantly shot down. But “scollops”?!? What the heck?!? How is it that that one word made it through with the sound, but all the others made it through with the other one? After hearing various French-language PA announcements at the airport, my current theory is that Canadian “a” sounds the way it does because Canadian English inherited the sound from French. I’d love to know of examples or exceptions that support or disprove my theory.

The pronunciation of those two “a” sounds differs throughout America, as commonly recognized in thick Bostonian or Chicagoan accents. One time, while in Holland, Michigan, I mentioned to a used car manager at Toyota dealership that something cost some amount of dollars. I don’t remember what, exactly, because he immediately latched on to my pronunciation of the word “dollars” and started teasing me relentlessly. “DOE-lers?” he said. “What are you, Canadian?” “DOLL-ers,” I replied, with the “o” sounding like the “o” in “pop” or the “a” in “father”.

“You’re saying ‘DOE-lers,” he snarked. “Here in America, it’s pronounced “DAAA-lers,” his “o” exactly like the “a” sound in “apple”.

“DOE-lers. Sheesh. Go back to Canada. I’m gonna go sell some TY-otas.”
Far be it from me to undertake the impossible task of explaining the nuances of regional accents to a guy who sells used “TY-otas” for a living. I guess I’d better go back to Canada.

Canada has a lot of things that are different than us. They eat French fries covered with brown gravy and cheese. Their common potato chip flavors include Ketchup, All Dressed Up (huh?), and Roast Chicken. They call bathrooms “washrooms”. Their green traffic signals mysteriously blink sometimes, and they don’t seem to have suicide lanes—at least not in Saint John.

Another thing they don’t have is drinking fountains. Here’s an actual conversation I had yesterday with some ladies at the dealership I was working with in Saint John:

Me: I’m parched. Is there a drinking fountain here?
Lady 1: A what?
Me: A drinking fountain. You know—the little fountain that you drink water out of?
Lady 1: I don’t know what you’re talking aboat.
Me: You know, the little plastic or metal boxes that come out of the wall that dispense drinking water and are typically located near the restrooms—I mean—washrooms?
Lady 2: Could you show me a picture of one?
Me, 10 seconds later, pointing at the google image search results for “drinking fountain”: Here. Do you have one of these?
Lady 2: Ohhhhh, a water fountain—like the ones for kids! What are we, an elementary school?
Me: Do you not have one of these here?
Lady 2: Nope.
Me: Have you guys never seen one of these at a business before? Or a park?
Lady 1: Never at businesses. I think maybe they used to have them about 20 years ago in parks and elementary schools.
Lady 3: But then they had problems with pigeons getting in them, so they tore ‘em all oat.

They were dumbfounded by the idea that almost every business establishment in the U.S. would have a drinking fountain. But then again, I was dumbfounded about the “scollops”.  I guess we just dumbfound each other. ...Dumbfind?

You may find me dumb for writing about all this stuff.  I hope I don’t offend anybody by anything I’ve written today. If I do, well—sore-y aboat that.


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