Things People Have Actually Said Recently

These are things that people I know have said recently:

Kelsey (having heard this in one of her movies):I have my own life now, Dad!

If she's already saying this stuff when she's 2, I don't even want to know what the teens have in store.

Kelsey: Look! I have a spider on my hand!

She did.

One of the English teachers, explaining to students why candy corn (corn is pronounced ko-n, like the word "cone", in Japanese) is called what it is: See, it's shaped just like a cone, so that's why it's called "candy cone".

I tried to explain that it's actually "corn", but she couldn't perceive the difference between what I said ("corn"), and what she thinks it's called ("cone").

Another teacher, while walking with me to class: This lesson isn't the best lesson ever, but it's good because it allows the retarded people in class to participate.

There aren't any disabled people in the class. Perhaps she meant "underachievers".